i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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