You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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