Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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