If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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