i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
