So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
