a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
