pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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