Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
