I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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