I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
