The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
