Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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