my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
