with your own penis?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
