She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
