he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
