I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
