just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
