it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
