I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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