i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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