I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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