Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Pants are for mortals
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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