I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
