Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
