Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
