hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
