omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
