So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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