Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
