I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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