By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
