your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
