If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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