Me too!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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