im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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