Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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