I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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