Already got asked if we're dating
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
