So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
