Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
