think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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