you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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