fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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