R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This is the high leading the old right now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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