I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
