one word: firstdatebathroomanal
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
