guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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