Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I hate all girls vehemently.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
