so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
